Saturday Neurotic
Yesterday afternoon, the air was dank and smelled heavy of rain, just apropos to the grayish sky over what would have been a hot, sunny afternoon. Like the previous days. But when it comes to the weather, one has to learn not to expect what is expected. Now I find it a tad too early for April showers, but weather had been screwed up all around anyway, so what am I talking about?
I talk about rain which finally comes down this morning, as I speak. Yesterday it was teasing and warning but not quite falling, and now become rainfall, grudging and hesitant, like desolate tears held back to flood a proud one's heart.
All of a sudden, I feel caught unawares, not knowing what to make out of this rainy Saturday morning. I just seem to catch a moment this time, to listen, and to keep still. It's been awhile after all.
It occurs to me that I am feeling tired. Tired, sleepy, maybe a little sad. No wonder I mindlessly masticated five pieces of macaroons last night, these uncalled for sweetness made out of dessicated coconuts overly sweetened with thick, sticky milk, held pat in their coloful corrugated paper muffin cups. These five were left orphaned from a batch of plenty that were given to us as a gift, packaged in a christmas box probably left-over from last season's wrapping material, and not really calling attention to themselves. You know they were very good, but to eat them was the least bit thing I wanted to do last night, after all, I wasn't even hungry and I brushed my teeth already. I guess I just wanted to get rid of the christmas box. And so, I ate.
Waking up to thoughts of undigested carbs and unmerited sugar is not a good thing, for they are a glaring reminder of last night's triumph for temptation, a folly of impulse, and losing face with Dr. Agatston. How very sad. And too strange, how we humour our mind sometimes and allow it to ambush and hold us captive with insignificant annoying thoughts.
Just like with the weather, I have learned to expect the unexpected, and I know that my occasional alliance with neuroses comes from time to time. Surprise, surprise, it seems to be hovering around here for now, and what better reason than that to relax and be sulky and stay in bed most of the day. Which I am really dying to do anyway.
How nice.
Filed Under: Mania
I talk about rain which finally comes down this morning, as I speak. Yesterday it was teasing and warning but not quite falling, and now become rainfall, grudging and hesitant, like desolate tears held back to flood a proud one's heart.
All of a sudden, I feel caught unawares, not knowing what to make out of this rainy Saturday morning. I just seem to catch a moment this time, to listen, and to keep still. It's been awhile after all.
It occurs to me that I am feeling tired. Tired, sleepy, maybe a little sad. No wonder I mindlessly masticated five pieces of macaroons last night, these uncalled for sweetness made out of dessicated coconuts overly sweetened with thick, sticky milk, held pat in their coloful corrugated paper muffin cups. These five were left orphaned from a batch of plenty that were given to us as a gift, packaged in a christmas box probably left-over from last season's wrapping material, and not really calling attention to themselves. You know they were very good, but to eat them was the least bit thing I wanted to do last night, after all, I wasn't even hungry and I brushed my teeth already. I guess I just wanted to get rid of the christmas box. And so, I ate.
Waking up to thoughts of undigested carbs and unmerited sugar is not a good thing, for they are a glaring reminder of last night's triumph for temptation, a folly of impulse, and losing face with Dr. Agatston. How very sad. And too strange, how we humour our mind sometimes and allow it to ambush and hold us captive with insignificant annoying thoughts.
Just like with the weather, I have learned to expect the unexpected, and I know that my occasional alliance with neuroses comes from time to time. Surprise, surprise, it seems to be hovering around here for now, and what better reason than that to relax and be sulky and stay in bed most of the day. Which I am really dying to do anyway.
How nice.
Filed Under: Mania
<< Home