Love In 20/20
Capricorn wisdom and practicality hedged me from potentially heartbreaking frustrations brought about by unfulfilled expectations, early in life. It helped a lot, of course, that I am a sixth child out of eight, too far down the chain to be the object of attention, thus, it served me well that I was independent and thought like a big person when I was little.
I did not have a rosy eye view of the world as a child, for 20-20 vision suited me just fine. Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were characters that enchanted but did not cross over to real life. First love and happy endings, I thought, were typical storybook fare that one is just as likely to encounter as to be eluded by, and no big deal.
First love, to me, was not a milestone or sought after momentous event that kept me imagining as a teen-ager. Don't get me wrong, I was not a wallflower. I must admit I've had my fair share of admirers since I was 14, I just did not pay that much attention. True, I experienced the feverish, oxytocin rush of appetite-losing, giddifying, stomach-churning bit of madness called infatuation, how couldn't I, but mine were short-lived and often. For some reason, I always found something to turn me off to get my sights trained on the next crush.
At the time I was getting into real relationships, I had figured that romantic feelings, for me, had to come with the necessary accoutrements before I can call it love. I set a very high standard and stuck to it, setting myself up for failure while going against practicality and being contrary to my nature.
I must admit my weakness was for manly men with broad shoulders and deep voices. Nothing of the androgynous, metrosexual sort for me. I wanted a man who had strength enough to protect, who could balance and keep me well in my place. I wanted a man who courted in style, the kind who opened the door for me, and loved to give me chocolates and roses. He had to be one who looked at me with honesty and quiet devotion, one who made me feel safe, to assure that I will have him by my side, through thick or thin, no matter what happens. Finally, I wanted a man who saw through me, and made me feel like the little girl I never was. True enough, I found such a man, and it helped greatly that I knew deep in my gut that he was The One. How quickly I gave up a thriving and fruitful single life then, at 20, and even more quickly how three ex-boyfriends faded into memory.
Capricorn wisdom taught me to look around before I leap, to be on guard before I let on, to be three times sure before I go. Of course it didn't stop me from making many mistakes, moreso to go for love when I was too painfully young, and had too many choices. But then, again, it proves I chose correctly. Time had mellowed and improved on many imperfections, both his and mine. Winging through unbelievably painful and stormy times stripped us both of pride, and sometimes self-respect, but made to deepen our characters in the process, making us these better persons now, together, after all these 20 years.
First Love, for me, does not come close to True Love. It is the spice of life, the foundation of home, the light that shines, the incorrigible truth, the reward for believing. And it is on my true love's shoulder that I rest my head to sleep. First love? Do not talk to me about it, for I wouldn't even remember. Talk to me about True Love, then you better have the time to spare.
Filed Under: Love
I did not have a rosy eye view of the world as a child, for 20-20 vision suited me just fine. Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were characters that enchanted but did not cross over to real life. First love and happy endings, I thought, were typical storybook fare that one is just as likely to encounter as to be eluded by, and no big deal.
First love, to me, was not a milestone or sought after momentous event that kept me imagining as a teen-ager. Don't get me wrong, I was not a wallflower. I must admit I've had my fair share of admirers since I was 14, I just did not pay that much attention. True, I experienced the feverish, oxytocin rush of appetite-losing, giddifying, stomach-churning bit of madness called infatuation, how couldn't I, but mine were short-lived and often. For some reason, I always found something to turn me off to get my sights trained on the next crush.
At the time I was getting into real relationships, I had figured that romantic feelings, for me, had to come with the necessary accoutrements before I can call it love. I set a very high standard and stuck to it, setting myself up for failure while going against practicality and being contrary to my nature.
I must admit my weakness was for manly men with broad shoulders and deep voices. Nothing of the androgynous, metrosexual sort for me. I wanted a man who had strength enough to protect, who could balance and keep me well in my place. I wanted a man who courted in style, the kind who opened the door for me, and loved to give me chocolates and roses. He had to be one who looked at me with honesty and quiet devotion, one who made me feel safe, to assure that I will have him by my side, through thick or thin, no matter what happens. Finally, I wanted a man who saw through me, and made me feel like the little girl I never was. True enough, I found such a man, and it helped greatly that I knew deep in my gut that he was The One. How quickly I gave up a thriving and fruitful single life then, at 20, and even more quickly how three ex-boyfriends faded into memory.
Capricorn wisdom taught me to look around before I leap, to be on guard before I let on, to be three times sure before I go. Of course it didn't stop me from making many mistakes, moreso to go for love when I was too painfully young, and had too many choices. But then, again, it proves I chose correctly. Time had mellowed and improved on many imperfections, both his and mine. Winging through unbelievably painful and stormy times stripped us both of pride, and sometimes self-respect, but made to deepen our characters in the process, making us these better persons now, together, after all these 20 years.
First Love, for me, does not come close to True Love. It is the spice of life, the foundation of home, the light that shines, the incorrigible truth, the reward for believing. And it is on my true love's shoulder that I rest my head to sleep. First love? Do not talk to me about it, for I wouldn't even remember. Talk to me about True Love, then you better have the time to spare.
Filed Under: Love
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home